Marie Treanor

Undead Men Wear Plaid - NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE

A new Vampire Comedy...
On the rain-soaked, famously mean streets of Glasgow, Scotland, a psychic with a chip on her shoulder hunts a handsome vampire who is forced by a bizarre accident to dress in an antique kilt. Now he hangs around wedding receptions, biting the guests while complaining bitterly about their gastronomic choices and bibulous habits.
Jenny Jordan is home for a friend's wedding and in hot pursuit of the best man when she is distracted by the blossoming of her psychic gifts. She quickly becomes torn between impressing her bosses and giving in to her attraction to the vampire Karoly.

Karoly is lazy, amoral and lonely, and it is not always clear who is hunting whom, especially when he turns up at her Centre, cooking for her psychic colleagues and apparently determined to share her life.

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Read Excerpts

Reviews:

"Loved the opening paragraph to this story; it sets the naughtiness of our fresh and feisty heroine right at the start ---just perfect. My couch-potato imagination actually stirred itself right up at the thought of Spandau Ballet meeting B. Prince C. with a touch of Legolas, and what a picture! But don't let me get side-tracked by our luscious hero Karoly…the language lessons (just how many words might be used to cover what we might call totally sozzled) were great. The vibrant humor (I love good humor) and a vampire dealing with the enjoyment of his new acquaintance (not intended to stay that way long), and you have the solid basis for a good fun story…

"A definite must for vamp fans who like their hero to wear sneakers with his kilt and enjoy a great sense of fun along with their story. " - 5 hearts, Glenda K. Bauerle, TRS

"If Undead Men Wear Plaid by Marie Treanor does not get you to at least chuckle; then you should probably check to see if someone has removed your funny bone. I have to admit that Ms. Treanor's little gem left me with sore sides and left me with a deep appreciation of her ability to make her readers laugh out loud. Jenny is endearingly unsure of herself but stubbornly determined as she works her way into the reader's heart. "Charlie" is the personification of the dangerous, deadly vampire bored with his existence and utterly mouthwateringly gorgeous. The love scenes are smoking hot, writhe with tension and amusing to top it off. Additional characters add to the overall hilarity without losing focus on Jenny and "Charlie." This is one of those short stories that packs lots of action into a few pages. Time just flies by while you are immersed in Ms. Treanor's world. I was having such a good time there that I was disappointed to discover I was at the last page; only because I was not yet ready to leave. Ms. Treanor has a fantastic grasp of irony and the skill to use it to its best advantage. Congratulations on creating a treasure sure to occupy a special spot in the libraries of readers everywhere." - 5 stars, Keely Skillman, eCataromance

"This is a well written, wryly humorous book. The love that grows between Jenny and Charles is deep and very hot. She doesn't want to love him but does. What he does for her is an act of selfless love that can't help but endear him to you even if he is a vampire. It is a fully rounded tale that leaves you satisfied with a thorough understanding of what is going on in Jenny's life and why she makes the choices she makes. Does she choose to stay with her vampire or does she kill him as an evil creature of the night - or both? And how does Charles end up making dinner for all her colleagues at the Centre?" - 4 1/2 flags, Darlene, Euroreviews

"This is a fun story filled with lines that will make you smile, and even laugh out loud. Jenny is an accident prone heroine you can't help but feel for, and Karoly is a fun, brutally honest vampire. When sparks fly between the two of them, the story heats up intensely. I really liked Ms. Treanor's voice, and the way she drew me into the story." - 5 magic wands, Astraea, Enchanted Ramblings

"...you did a great job with Karoly, the 500 year old Romanian vampire. He’s hot, he’s sexy as hell and I love him. I’d almost be willing to be lunch for him too.

"I loved the humor of the story and have admitted in the past I’m a sucker for a well written first person book. In the two books of yours I’ve read, you’ve presented a totally different style for each. I can’t wait to see what your other books will be like." - Jayne, Dear Author.com

"Marie Treanor’s Undead Men Wear Plaid was a fun read and available from Triskelion Publishing. Ms. Treanor is definitely an author to watch and her backlist I plan to purchase after I do this quick review. Her newest tale is a novella so it was a very quick read for me as I couldn’t put it down...

"This was a fun read despite the few editing problems I ran across. It’s a bit humorous in places and hot in others. Thrown into the mix were a few suspenseful moments and thus you have, my friends, a very entertaining read. I like the author’s voice/style of writing. I was impressed with the first person narration as the author’s writing just sucks you right into the story. Jenny made a good narrator and the Vampire? Sexy and a rogue who loves to tease Jenny while eluding capture. This was a very good read and a strong recommend." - Keishon, Journal of an Avid Reader

"Ms. Treanor’s first person story is filled with smart dialogue, interesting scenes and unique twist. Her characters are down to earth with everyday problems sprinkled with a dose of the paranormal and a heady sexual tension. Fans of Highlanders and vampires will find this an enjoyable read from talented hand of Ms. Treanor." - Kimber, Coffee Time Romance

Excerpts:

Here are a couple of excerpts to whet your appetite! First, how Jenny meets the vampire...and if you scroll down, you'll find something a little hotter!

The excerpts are unedited and may differ slightly from the final published version which will be available from Triskelion Publishing in May 2006

      He knew that I knew. Slowly, I saw a smile begin to form on his full, sensual lips, and the terror galloped through me till I thought I would be completely crushed.
      Then, from the sofa by the window, someone stood up, a lamp clicked on, bathing it in light, and both the vampire and I looked involuntarily across the room.   It was Maggie, still in her fine white wedding gown – not quite spotless since someone had spilled red wine on the sleeve, but still looking pretty regal.
      “Hi Jenny,” she said vaguely, walking straight past me. If she noticed her best man clutched in the arms of the kilted vampire, she didn’t mention it. “Back to the guests, I suppose…”
      Fear for her finally broke through my torpor. Why had she been sitting there motionless in the dark, unless…? My mouth opened to demand if he had hurt her, but something - the dull, objectionable training perhaps? - stopped me. Maggie was walking and talking and leaving the source of the danger. Davie was not.
      I turned back to the vampire.
      “Let him go,” I said hoarsely. I was surprised any words came out at all. I was even more surprised when the vampire obeyed, casually releasing the best man so that he slumped gracefully to the floor, revealing a long expanse of muscled thigh. I just wished I’d seen in it in other circumstances. A thin trickle of blood ran down the side of his neck into his collar.
      “Is he dead?” I whispered in horror. I don’t know why. It wasn’t as if the vampire was about to call an ambulance
      Astonishingly enough, the evil one answered me.
      “Of course not,” he said irritably. “Why would I leave dead bodies lying around?”
      His voice was another shock. Smooth, deep in timbre, curiously beautiful. And yet with accents that came perilously close to Bela Lugosi.
      “Oh please!” I said involuntarily. “How gullible do you think I am?”
      The vampire misunderstood. Frowning, he said, “For your information, he is asleep because he is dead drunk. And he tastes disgusting!”
      He kept the accent. More worrying, he started to walk toward me, his kilt swinging subtly with his graceful, cat-like movements, for all the world confusing evil demon with noble Highland warrior.
      His words, however, were merely carping. “What is the matter with the people in this town? What do they eat, for God’s sake?”
      “Meat and cakes,” I said, surprising myself as much as him. He actually paused in his stride to stare at me.
      “What?”
      “And chips,” I babbled. “Lots of chips. No fresh fruit or vegetables. Curry.”
      For a second, a frown puckered his smooth, pale brow. Then, to my amazement, I saw a definite glint of amusement spark in his inhumanly cold eyes. They shifted to my throat. “Thank you for taking the trouble to answer me. Do you eat your vegetables?”

       My lips fell open, my eyes closed in anticipation. Moisture pooled in my pussy before he even touched me. As before, I sensed his breathless mouth above mine, hovering as he said softly, “There are many ways to taste a vampire hunter…”
      I bit back a moan, waiting feverishly for the wave of sensual pleasure to wash over me with his kiss. I felt the weight of his hand shift, sliding down between my thighs, making me gasp. My eyes flew open to see that he wasn’t watching my face but his own hand, spreading across my pussy. The fabric of my pajamas stained dark with my moisture. I saw him smile as the stain grew and spread. Sliding the side of his hand along the length of my pussy, he turned his head, bringing his eyes back to mine, watching my reaction.
      “Bastard,” I whispered. “Bastard.”
      “Tell me to stop,” he challenged softly, turning his hand, probing around the wet entrance to my pussy, pushing the cotton inside me with one finger. I swallowed. The best I could manage was to pretend I couldn’t hear him. My clitoris throbbed with such need that I couldn’t have stopped him if my life depended on it. Which it probably did.
      His fingers left me. I gasped out with unstoppable frustration and he smiled, both hands on my waist band. Abruptly, they swept upwards, pushing my t-shirt up over my breasts and his palms brushed my tight nipples, hardening them unbearably. My head twisted. He took one of my hands, lifted it to his mouth, and there, smiling at me with his decadent, sensual lips, he sucked one finger inside, moving his lips up and down it in deliberate simulation of oral sex. Then he released my finger, placing it on one of my nipples, and circled it around and around.
      I couldn’t help it. I cried out, and he laughed softly. His finger caressed the inside of my pussy, pushing softly, insistently into the dark recesses, stroking places I hadn’t even been aware of possessing. Then, slowly, it spiraled its way out, spreading my juices all around the labia, rubbing tenderly across my clitoris until I moaned aloud. He smiled again, so that I could see his teeth, the long, pointed incisors of the vampire, and instead of being afraid, instead of wrenching myself free and grabbing for the lost stake, I felt a pang of lust so strong that a flood of moisture broke free and ran down the inside of my thigh. I wanted those teeth on my neck, nibbling, biting. I wanted to feel them stroke the lips of my pussy; I wanted…I wanted…
      Jesus, I wanted this…
      He shifted position to the foot of the bed, moving with fluid grace until he sat between my legs. Deliberately, his fingers spread my petals open, his eyes drank me in. My pussy pulsed so hard I thought it would come without any further help from him. Slowly, his head lowered, just as it had this afternoon, only this time his mouth captured my lower lips and my own ecstatic noises rumbled in my throat. I thought I would die of that pleasure.